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Creatures Of Comparison Part 1

Since my last entry, I'm at ease once again. I guess my description was accurate on how sanity is for me. Just comes and goes like the wind. This time I'd like to calm the winds, but it's going to take new ways of thinking.

I don't mean to criticize the way I have been thinking lately, as I don't believe it was fully wrong. To explain what I mean, it's my own observation that I've been developing a better way of thinking for a long time now. As content as I feel with the here and now, I'm consciously aware that someday I will improve my ways once again. People change, surroundings change, circumstances change. Nothing is static, therefore we shouldn't expect ourselves to be static either.

We compare things. Human beings are creatures of comparison.
We compare one thing with another and decide which is better.
Without ever stopping to consider whether that is a good thing or a bad thing, we blindly accept the outcome.
I compare things every day. When I wake up, I compare my will to pull myself out of bed against the level of fatigue I feel. I decide which one is greater and start my day.. Or postpone it.

My day starts, and my throat feels sore. I compare the after effects a can of soda or a warm cup of chai would do for me, and decide which is better. Should I feel horrible, I skip the comparison and grab water instead.

...but as many of us know, when we step into the boundaries of comparing people, we have entered potentially dangerous grounds.. Depending on the circumstances anyhow. Comparing people is more dangerous on a personal level.. But judges, for example, are expected to compare. That is their job.

These days I have started to feel that I've gradually become wiser and more mature with every lesson learned. It makes sense. Consciously, I believed I didn't compare often, but recently I discovered how much of a lie that really was. Some of it I believe to be bad, and other parts I believe to be good.

First and foremost, what had been bothering me from my last entry was the false perception that people didn't like me. For about a full day I felt a little off by one from that thought. With the blanket over my head, it was as if I could feel anxiety's knife slipping back into my chest once again. Why did I tell myself that?

I know from the reactions I've seen in other people that when I am in a group of people I've become comfortable with, I can be quite a riot. I know I have a caring heart and like to help people.. Sometimes more than I like to help myself. I have been a hero among groups friends time and time again. A silent leader.

And if all that is true, why would I second guess myself?

It occured to me that while I was comparing myself to "the ideal me", there was another comparison going on behind the scenes. One that snuck up on me, and ultimately one I had to take care of sooner than later.


Extra Audio Aid: Julien-K - Stranded

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Overclock.net › Member Blogs › Creatures Of Comparison Part 1