|We compare things. Human beings are creatures of comparison.
We compare one thing with another and decide which is better.
Without ever stopping to consider whether that is a good thing or a bad thing, we blindly accept the outcome.
When I got home from vacation, I got a message from a friend saying that he had some "epic LOLZ" to tell me when I got back later that night. I call him up and greet him with "So I herd u liek epic lolz." in my typical dry and sarcastic manner. Somehow I knew it had to do with my ex... He told me she had broken up with this third guy of hers, while making a point to chose the words "the same way she did with you". To sum it up, it was a fairly indirect method.. But she was more direct with me than she was with him.
Regardless of what the differences in the situation were, I was fooled into returning to a state of anxiety and anger. Stupidly, I accepted it. Still not taking into account how things were handled better when she broke up with me. Something didn't sit right.
I started reflecting back on how my week was in Mexico. I felt so relieved to be free of all this drama two of my friends were having back home. Shortly before I left, there was a big mess that took place, and somehow or another, word got out to more than just us three. I ended up having to explain to one of these people from a neutral stanpoint. Neutral, because I was a monkey in the middle of some sort.
One of these people that I was talking to stopped me in mid explanation and specifically asked "..How the hell did you get involved in all this?"... I certainly knew how, and I explained.. But I said to myself "Good question".
I started to realize that I had been subtlely pushed into a state of choosing a side in a battle that wasn't my own. It was a battle that belonged to two of my friends with the opposing side being an aquaintance of mine.. And soon enough it seemed my ex was against them as well.
Long story short, my ex got a little involved (in a similar way i used to be; speaking in other's places) and one of the two friends started cussing me out because of it, assuming I had taken a side on the matter and ultimately that I was downright wrong.. In a roundabout way, it was because suddenly I just didn't want to hear rumors anymore. I told him "I think you're misunderstanding. There's no way someone can be wrong if they don't decide on a side to take. I'm neither here nor there, right nor wrong."
I ended up informing my ex calmly that I had been cussed out, and while she was hostile at first.. I asked her to hear me out, and she let me. I told her about all of the above, and how messy and miserable I had felt in all of it.. I strongly felt these rumors, these comparisons on who's right and who's wrong, were what had been seperating everyone from each other.. And I continued to say I was done with it.
Today I believe I've learned a valuable lesson. I've always strived to give both sides in a situation a fair chance, and eventually that led me here-- breaking down barriers that seperated me from the people I admired. I'm pleased to say that today marks the beginning of true mending of the soul. In myself, in my ex, and in my friends. I'm on a fresh start with my ex. I'm not expecting anything past friendship, but I know that both of us are so thankful for this mutual gift of peace.
As for the friend that had cussed me out.. He apologized to me, but it seems like he's not sure what to think of me because of my new decisions.. My logic was that if you can't change the world, change yourself. I've been a bit of a hero to him and my other friend.. So instead of them seeing this as me forsaking them (really, I'm only stepping out of their battles), I hope they see it as an opertunity to lay everything to rest.
After all... It's been one hell of a messy ride.
"We are our loved ones heroes, and they won't even notice. They can't. That's the beauty of it I guess."
Extra Audio Aid: Deadmau5 - Clockwork (Cosmic Gate's Radio Edit)
All comments welcome.