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In my earlier years, particularly early high school, I made the decision that I did not like and did not want to be a part of general society. I looked at society as a horrible beast with few merits. I wanted nothing to do with it. As a result, my interaction with my peers almost ceased entirely. However, as time wore on, I realized just how lonely a decision that was. By my senior year, I was in a fairly deep depression. Depression itself is not so terrible a thing, but it does tend to get fairly dull when it lasts for months and years on end. I needed variety, I needed something more.

Now, I was never very good at interacting socially with people, but by separating myself from others for such a long period of time, I had virtually destroyed any and all social skills I may have had. I didn't know how to get my foot back in the door, so to speak. But by the time of my graduation, I was determined to give it my best shot.

I looked at university as a clean slate, a fresh start where I could begin anew. I knew it would be hard, and in some ways I was ready for that. In other ways, not so much. My progress was almost non-existant at first, but I persevered, and progress eventually did come. I was no charming young lad, I'm still not, and I don't ever expect to be. But I did make progress. I'm still making progress. I had to compromise a few of my morals on occasion to do it, and I regret this, but I feel I am better off for it.

But now again, I have this growing doubt. Do I really want to be throwing my lot back in with the rest of society? Do I really even want to be going to university? Do I want a job with an office that I go into everyday to do the same thing? Do I really even have the desire to get a job? Do I have what it takes to live a life completely independent from others?




Dmanstasiu: Why is it that I can edit your post? >.>

Reported bug.

Comments (1)

I'm in the same situation as you ;
As early as 12-13 years old, I often cried myself to sleep, thinking about the world and how much evil was omnipresent. It seemed like no one was honest, integrity was a thing of the past, and that society corrupted everyone.

Lately I've been more depressed because of an intensive academic program; the only time I went out in the past 2 months was to get a bunch of drunk friends home.

Society indeed feels like a pretty messed up place. It does often feel like we're screwed, that it would be futile to even attempt to help.
Overclock.net › Member Blogs › Depression