THIS COINCIDES WITH MY LAST BLOG POST Read it to make sense of this better xD Here
Life's been hectic. Then again, when isn't it? Everyone's life gets crazy now and then, some more then others. I've known friends and ex-friends who have a lot of struggles in their life.
As for me...
I always try and look on the positive side of things, you know optomistic, hopeful, the glass is half-full, etc. etc. etc.
Well, I never realized how much I rely on that in my life on a constant everyday basis. Things hit me pretty hard recently....
I didn't get to talk to her for 2 whole days after the Valentines Day incident which you shoulda read in my last post, at which point she asked for a break to give her space as she was trying to sort out her Family, Friends, School Life (her grades had been dropping lately), and me.
I said ok, but she refuses to talk to me until shes ready and I'm perfectly fine with that. She's trying to decide whether to stick with me and work through her problems with her or to break up with me as having a boyfriend is restricting. I will always be there for her no matter what through thick and thin even if it ends up being as a friend. Sometimes I just wish she would let me in so I can help her. I hate seeing her down, and sad, and dealing with things like this on her own >_< I feel so useless sometimes when she doesn't let me in and help her.
About 2 weeks have passed now, and I never would have expected it to be this hard just not talking to the one I really love. She's different from my exes. Sure they felt special, but Kristen... its totally different with her, I feel like I'm in love for the first time really.
Whats killing me the most more than anything was the message she had written in the Valentine's day card and then being hit hard shortly after with she needed time to think...
Here is ONE of the things she wrote in the card that I keep thinking of...
You've changed my life,
you mean the world to me,
and I wouldn't want it any other way.
Please take good care of my heart,
I've left it to you. I love you.
...and more so since she wont talk to me unless she says something first. I never knew it'd be so hard being shutout by the one I love. I wish she'd just let me in and help her.
She asked me to take care of her heart, and I will no matter how much I have to go through to do it. I love her. And thats that.
But with all this tension i've felt so crappy and down, but my friends at my side have been here to pick me back up and remind me who I am and not to give up hope or stop being optimistic how I've always been. Their right. Hope... Optimism... that thin line stretching between Reassurance and the breaking point... That's where I stand, and where I will stay firm through this whole situation to the best of my ability... because I made her a promise.
Encouragement always welcome.
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