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I Cant Win

It's so frustrating sometimes.

All I really want out of life is a little bit of companionship. That's it really. Now I'm so close and I'm just dying for it. It's painful to think about.

I met a girl recently that i've become incredibly attracted to. She might not have a perfect figure, but she's hella cute and her personality has sucked me in.

Many people that know me know that I'm not your average guy. I have some very effeminate qualities about me that kind of set me apart from your typical male, but it's never really set me too far back. I don't know if it's just this area, but this girl tells me that no guy has been able to give her the companionship she wants, the cuddles, the cuteness... All the romantic things that make me and her melt.

I barely know her, but i've already got strings pulling at my heart. For so long all I've wanted is someone to hold close or be held by, and after hearing her opinions and how she views the world I thought that maybe she could be the one to set me free.

The disheartening thing is something I've told myself I ought to avoid: She happens to be bisexual. I have nothing against bisexuality or homosexuality, but it's difficult having competition from both genders. Even worse when she tells me, a guy who actually LIKES the cuter stuff, that no guy has done that for her and impulsively says her life partner is going to be a girl.

Frustrating. Really Frustrating.

It's really bothersome to find someone with qualities you'd like for the long haul only to be shut into discouragement like that. Yeah, I know I shouldn't let it get to me because life goes on, and this is no way something she's carved into stone... But confidence has a huge impact on how we take things.

Maybe I'm being messed with. It's possible she'd do that in an attempt to slow things down and create more attraction, but it's a little cruel. I've been getting a lot of praise, and then blindsided with that.

It's probably not something to dwell over, but why can't I ever find a place that's nice and peaceful? I just don't want to be alone, and I want someone who can love me the same way I love them.

I'd be hangin' on their words
Like they almost meant a thing...
And the only lullaby I heard,
The sirens blaring, singing me to sleep
Holding my loved one tight...

On the softness of her laugh,
I could almost make my bed
But the racket of her absence draw in
The sirens blaring, ringing in my head
Holding nothing tight, holding nothing tight
With my eyes so wide

In a house without a back door
I was looking for a fire escape
And I'll be rippin' up the floorboards
Just trying to get away
From this sleeplessness,
sleeplessness, sleeplessness

She'd be hangin' on my words
Like I almost meant a thing
And I'd give anything not to let her down
But finally sleep through just one more tonight
Holding her so tight, holding her so tight
But my eyes are wide

In a house without a backdoor
I was looking for a fire escape
And I'll be rippin' up the floorboards
Just trying to get away
From this sleeplessness
Sleeplessness, sleeplessness

'Cause my mind just can't stop
movin', I think I know why
Oooh, I know why
It's sad, but I'm a sucker for a kind word
And I'll just hurt until I find one
I'll just hurt until I find one

And I've been tryin' all the windows
And I've been runnin' up the staircase
In a house without a backdoor...

Sleeplessness, sleeplessness, sleeplessness
In a house without a backdoor
I was lookin' for a fire escape
And I'd be rippin' up the
Just tryin' to get away...

I know she adores me and I'm sure she's trying to tease me by playing hard to get.. But after a handful of past relationships and experiences, I'm at the point where I just want something that works and someone who gets me. I couldn't ask for anything more really. Going to give it more time.



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