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Lately I've been thinking about myself and my place in life. Well.. Actually... When am I not?... But I started to think about how disconnected I feel on occasion. It's odd feeling so distant sometimes. But if I'm technically an indigo child, I guess this is just typical. I've always delt with this to a point. Notably, when I made the conscious move to make my own decisions and my own methods of thinking. There's no individuality in borrowing all of who you are.

Distant though.. Just a half hour ago I was thinking about this.. Which was what prompted me to write this. But I just feel a little removed. Some of you may know what I mean. The easiest way to describe it is in a metaphor of sorts.

I'm a man sitting at the top of a tower observing others from a distance. One might even say through telescopes. If any of you are familiar with the video, it's exactly the same imagery as Goo Goo Dolls' "Iris" video except without the romantic elements. I'm kind of surprised I remember that video. Today's been the first day in 11 years that I've watched it again.

And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming, Or the moment of the truth in your lies.
When everything feels like the movies, Yeah you bleed just to know you're alive.

And I don't want the world to see me, 'Cause I don't think that they'd understand.
When everything's made to be broken, I just want you to know who I am.
Similar to the lyrical content, basically all I want is for people to know who I am-- to know me. No matter how you go about it, it's difficult.. That is, showing people who you are. Even in the most effective and honest methods. Case in point? As we grow with our friends and family, we are always learning new things about them. Even the people who are "open book[s]".

I suppose what makes things difficult for me is my tendancy to be a little more reserved. One could say I've been pushed into that. I voice my opinions, sure.. But both have to coexist with each other.. Along with my compassion, frusteration, kindness, anger, helpful spirit, sarcastic attitude, and longing for peace.

To say any of us could be explained so simplly is so much less than what we really are.. But it's something that we all accept and live with.. Often not worrying much about it. After all, any different would be unrealistic.

If that comes off as sad at all, it's truly not meant to be. It's just that due to how complex individual people are, we can only really get to know a handful out of a crowd. I tell you what though, if I had the time to get to know a few more handfuls, I would totally do it. But even the ones I don't meet I can still respect and appreciate.

There's a lot of beautiful people in the world.

"Would you choose supremacy... If it led to isolation?
Could you handle the solitude?... Would you still prefer the throne?"

Extra Audio Aid: Goo Goo Dolls - Iris


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