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Mosaic Kakera

Earlier today in Chemistry class I found myself humming a familiar tune. Actually, a familiar sad tune. I'm not certain why, but I just was. Catchy, mostly positive, and bouncy, it was almost an instant hit with me. When I had first discovered it I thought the song title was a little odd, so I looked it up and it's lyrics.

Kakera, for those unaware, is the Japanese word for "heart". In otherwords, the song name is Mosaic Heart.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mosaic Kakera
I'm connecting together and drawing mosaic pieces one by one
As well as the encounter and parting you gave me

I think, "It shouldn't be like this," and go to sleep
And when I awaken, it's the same old unchanging, fruitless effort
I repeat it meaninglessly

I picked up and gathered the mosaic pieces for "a way to live a good life"
That warped thing seemed beautiful to me
Above the path I chose to the end while I bluffed, while I failed
The pieces came unstuck and fell, and I would not bury them

A world spread all over every will
Even though I must have something I can't yield to anyone
I'm worried about the multiple colors

While bewitched by the various colors and shapes in the mosaic pieces
I wished far too much for "youthful indiscretion"
Believing in the cement of love in the gaps in my heart, I washed down
Pieces that will never, ever melt together

Because contrast is beautiful, roughness conversely works well
For some reason, I won't wait for my turn and find my own style of answer

The mosaic pieces brilliantly project the lies and mistakes of my past
The more I think I want to erase them all
The more I still can't advance past the start line there when I turn around
I'll try picking up and gathering my dreams once more
I'm connecting together and drawing mosaic pieces one by one
As well as the encounter and parting you gave me
Sad, I know. I'm not trying to be a downer, promise. The translation's pretty good, but to clarify...

The author is speaking of their fruitless endeavor to find the perfect mosaic pieces for "the good life". Even though they keep falling out, he stubbornly does not want to let go of these "good pieces". Eventually he gives up on them, convinced that they're no good to chase after anymore-- pieces that will never ever melt together. Instead, he goes back to picking up his dreams, including their encounters and partings of the past.

I was thinking about this again today and thought about how foolish I've been in a few relationships. Sayaka, my current girlfriend, was also one of my first girlfriends.. But I cowardly backed out of that relationship, like any other indecisive High Schooler, convinced I could find the pieces that matched and made my mosaic look beautiful.

Contrary to what I thought, I could never truly find these. It became a lost cause and I found myself slipping into despair.

Since those High School days, I've had multiple relationships before I met Sayaka again, and I can't help but think that the difference between me today and the me then is my mosaic heart. Fragile, yet held together with the strong bond of hope and love, and new pieces for every lesson learned.

Sometimes I wish I could take back all the stupid mistakes I made and never left her and that relationship.. But then I remember that she's interested in me today because, across those three years, both of us changed thanks to our own lessons learned.

Our life experiences leave significant marks on who we become. I sincerely hope I've found myself back on track again.

-timx

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