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Oh Dear Birthday Why So Serious

So, apparently my birthday is less than a month away. April 16th. Normally, I look forward to my birthday but this year for once the thought of my birthday closing in has not put a smile on my face. Hell I even always stay up watching as the clock hits 12:25 AM and grin to myself thinking "Holy :swearing: I'm another year older." Sure I'm up till 3am every night anyway but Its like a ritual. Yet even the thought of that is barely making me smile.

Whats wrong with me guys? I know some people say "Oh, your just feeling that your getting old, don't worry about it, it's normal.", but I know for a fact thats not whats up.

I'm always soooo pumped for my birthday, I'm a very uppity and happy person. I have never been depressed in my entire life. Stressed yes, depressed no. Anyway, back on topic. For some reason I see my birthday coming up soon, but I'm not even looking forward to it this year no matter how hard I try.

I always tell myself as well as others, "I'm going to be the coolest parent ever one day, and I don't mean trying to be cool for the kids and looking getting that "Man, I can't believe this is my dad" look that I so often give my goofball of a dad. I'm going to keep how I am now yet be mature at the same time and I know it'll be a fun life for my family and kids one day."

I've always kept the idea of not losing who I am as I get older, like a lot of adults tend to do. I can tend to be wildly immature, yet mature and serious at almost the same time.
My friends always tell me how I have such good qualities being able to stay as fun and entertaining as I am without losing that touch as I gain maturity.

I also hoped to keep that very same enthusiasm always, but as my birthday looms closer... it's just not there. I don't know what it is, I wish I did so I could turn it around. I don't want to lose who I am with my age. I'll fight to the death if I have to just to retain what I consider to be my normality without conforming to the worlds stereotype of a boring adult

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Overclock.net › Member Blogs › Oh Dear Birthday Why So Serious