as much as I can try, this never works out the way I like it anymore... this last time seemed like a total joke.. no, really, a joke played on me for humor of some sort... a person whom many years ago I called a friend (I first thought this was a joke because this person who intro'd me is rather evil, and finds humor in rather retarded things) introduced me to this girl I knew back from highschool, I always thought she was really cute and wanted to get to know her but that never really happened. Well what I think is 4 years later, some dumb strike of luck, I get her number and we hang out a few times and all of a sudden its like I have a massive crush on her and my head is spinnin all over again...great, just what I need I think to myself, more to worry about! but for some reason I persue this as if I can get something out of it... like, oh god forbid, a good relationship with a great woman? ha, yeah, theres the optimisim shooting myself in the foot. well now 2 weeks has gone by and now I have no idea why I tried so hard. the only thing I found was her in the arms of another person.
since leaving for tucson last year, life seriously went down the ****hole for me.. the dorm room was depressing as hell as almost every night I either went out at night to get stoned off my ass, drunk, or stayed behind my computer playing video games till it was time for class the next ****ing day... god that made my life so depressing, I am honestly not surprized one bit that I failed my chemistry class... I had no interest in doing anything, if anything, I had thought about jumping out the window a few times because life was so bad.. tryin to get rid of those days makes me a happier person but damn did being away from my friend really suck, being back here, alot of them have been disconnected as we haven't talked all as much as I like...
hopefully tomorrow I wake up in a better mood, leaving behind the thoughts of this weekend as they have no use to me but to make sure they don't come again.
Hopefully some day I will find what I am looking for...
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