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Quantum Physics

December 2008 was an exceptionally cold month for me. Aside from Seattle finally getting heaps of snow, it also marks my third venture into my darkest days. In my panic, suspended by the throat and struggling to find answers, I was told this:

Originally Posted by Nelks
Tim... Do you know much about theoretical physics?

Newtonian, i.e. conventional physics behaves in a very predictable way. At the atomic level and above, it's just math. 2+2 is always 4, period. Reactions always, at least under the same conditions, give the same results.

But get this...

At the Quantum level, i.e. quarks and all that jazz. Everything goes to hell.

It's not so much math as art. You can perform the same collision twice, and let's say, that everything we know about the physical world says there is a 50% chance of an electron being released... No more, no less.

But then, it really gets interesting.

Someone tells the intern observing the collision that the reaction will release an electron. Even though they know it's chance-based... and what happens? Electron gets released. Or usually does, far more than the baseline 50/50 chance. And for the first time in scientific history, we see that human will, or more accurately, expectation, can alter physical reality, probability. =P

Quantum physics tells us many things, but one of them is that there's something amazing about sentience, the mind, meanings, and the power of expectation.
Now I don't know what your reaction is to that, but I will tell you that as for myself.. I was blown away. I thought it was absolutely amazing. Here I was, consumed by my fear, and within mere minutes it all went away.

Ever since I started with internet radio, I had always had high respect for Nelks. But for him to share that with me.. It took the already solid respect I had for him and multiplied it. It was just one of those things I really took to heart. In light of such inspiring words, it's a shame things took a dive merely days later. Even worse, just today I discovered that the girl I had respected so much had changed drastically.

My reasons to endure used to be based around who you were,
and your brilliant passion that could blaze right in front of a perfect stranger.
This is my downfall - my blemish, I've been told before.
Quit holding on to what she was.
She doesn't recognize you or herself anymore.
It's so brutal to see someone give it all up for nothing,
and having no power to stop them.
Often times I wonder if I have too much faith in humanity. I'd like to think more people are concerned about living honorably, but as days go by, it seems all I see anymore are the people who give the majority bad names.. Or at least, that's most of all I seem to retain. But even so.. I've never understood the substitution of honor for pride.

The pride before the fall... Just never seemed like a worthwhile way of living.

Throughout my whole life, I've always believed in the idea of one love. Some people have told me that's an old fashioned way of thinking. Is it really?

Tell me, what is so bad about finding one person to live for? What is so bad about finding one person to accompany as a team toward happiness? I suppose it's up to the individual person to decide how they want to live their life. But if you're not set in stone to be content with that route, please refrain from emphasising that you are.

It's interesting. My friends tell me I should feel utterly crushed or completely angered... Why don't I?... After all, the guy who kissed and told (to put it lightly) was someone she absolutely hated due to his disrespective attitude toward women. The girl I knew stood for everything against that.

But.. To answer my own question... I suppose I've become slightly jaded. And oddly enough, a little at peace.

Originally Posted by Leeann
thank you for not falling into that douche catagory and keeping your honor and your loyalty. It means so much, you have no idea. I am so sorry this has all happened, you know I and Caery are here for you whenever you need us.
I paused for a moment when I was told this, and it occured to me that it wouldn't just be myself I'd be letting down if I had lost my faith in good nature, and if I had let my anger take control. People need something to believe in. Myself included.

It would be so easy to drop my morals in my initial devistation, but if there's one thing I've learned in situations like these, it's standing by what I believe in. So desperately I want to believe in the good nature of people.. It's easy to wait for things to change, but if you really want to see it, sometimes you have to become it. I may not have the qualities of a hero, but so long as I keep remembering this, I can at least help.

I've been wounded, but not fatally.

"There are mountains to cross for all that are willing... There are never ending treasures that await you..."


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