There are things I miss about being young. Sometimes, when I'm sitting in bed at night alone, for the briefest of moments, I wish I did not know the things I know now. I wish I still believed in everyone and trusted everyone with the naive composure only a youth could muster.
There are times when I stare through space and time and recount different experiences, and I oft find myself lost in a world that once was. Ignorance is something I can not stand, but sometimes I wonder, was I happier when I was?
I used to be able to deal justice in absolutes, but suddenly I find the lines in the sand are not as clear as I would hope them to be. I find the answers do not come as easy, and sometimes they are frightening, as much as the questions themselves. I rest the laurels of my intellect on my reason and my judgment, things that are made of faith, ethics, and my own prerogative.
Of the handful of people I can not stand, a group very high on the list are the people that lack the where with all to make judgments. To form opinions. I find people are more frightened of being wrong than anything else. It is a disheartening things to listen to my own echo in the walls of the classroom, as if the professor and I were the only ones in the room speaking, with everyone else as audience.
What happened to people? Did they lose their spine? Are we a generation of sheep? I don't understand why people don't know how to deal with aggression of any kind. Maybe they're afraid. Maybe they're lazy. Maybe they just don't care at all, I don't know.
I suppose it's the same way I look at people I date. I don't care so much about how they look as much as how they act. Being attractive alone isn't enough to make you stand out. It doesn't make you a special or unique snowflake. The most frightening and attractive thing I know is a sharp mind. There has to be a certain... equilibrium, a balance to the equation. I want an equal, I suppose, in the true sense of the word.
You know, it's the first time I've thought about it in awhile, but it's been four months since my last break up. And it's business as usual. Tomorrow I'm going to get a coffee, read the newspaper, and go to class. My life has returned, for better or worse, to what it was. It's taken me this long to get back on my feet and back to doing what I love, which is living my life the best I can. What I thought I would regret most, I regret least, and my only remorse is for the bridges I've burned myself in the past. You live and learn, I suppose. We're stronger every day.
That's what's on my mind at the moment, and I'm glad I could share it. As I read back through it, I realize I ramble a lot. But hey, that's honesty.
I can only leave you with this quote:
Now I've seen Garth bend a fork, so er, he knows what he's talking about. I mean we all have abilities. I mean I once learnt how to hypnotize women. But with that power, must come, responsibility.
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