These past few days my temper randomly kicks in but I don't care anymore. I yell and flip out and curse and throw stuff. Sets of keys at people that say the wrong thing, my cell phone, chairs, often in the direction of the problem. Needless to say, it doesn't go well when in class, especially going off how easily angered I am as of late.
It's like a light switch, the slightest thing has been setting it on.
Off, on, off, on, off, on, off.
I went running today. It's the first time I ran since football ended. I can't remember why I stopped, but I only started because my car broke down and I had to run home. It was a nice way to clean my mind out some, to not think. It was just me and the pavement. I'm a person of habit and I don't do well in change - that's why I think I like the sound of my feet on the ground of my loud breathing in sync with my pulse - it's repeating and predictable. It's demanding but relaxing. That's why I went driving in the first place, to clear my head. It didn't go as planned, though. As soon as I got home I tried to sleep.
Dear God, the dreams are horrible. It's not even worth sleeping. I fall asleep and nightmares, wake up, go to sleep, nightmares, wake up, wash, rinse, repeat. I can't fight them, either. It's some indie film that was poorly done, jumping around from once place to another place - every place more vivid and worse than the last. She was running up to hug me and she shatters before she gets to me. Her house is on fire but she's locked in and I can't get her out. She's telling me to chase her and she's out of my sight before I can even move. Something exploded across the house. She crashed her car and I had a chance to stop it but I didn't. I'm standing over her. I stabbed her, literally, in the back, after I help her up. I carry her out the building in careful steps, and she tells me she's always there for me. Then another explosion, and I wake up.
I want to get you out of my head, for once. You're in my head all the time, you're there everywhere. Everyday. Every place. I turn around, I see you. Everyone is telling me "get her out of your head." I can't imagine you being out of my head for an entire day. It's like when we make eachother lose at the game that we were fascinated for all of middle school. "Don't tell me you didn't think of it first."
For once, I'd like to win at the thinking game.
Alphabetical Article List
Currently, there are 1988 Active Users (253 Members and 1735 Guests)
- › [Official] NVIDIA GTX 1080 Ti Owner's Club 1 minute ago
- › FAQ: Recommended Power Supplies 4 minutes ago
- › iomini io1.1 - IO1.1 Clone 5 minutes ago
- › [Official] Vega Frontier / RX Vega Owners Thread 6 minutes ago
- › [Sponsored] ONE 001 - Scratch Build PC 6 minutes ago
- › [Build Log] Watercooled Threadripper, Corsair Air 740 - (Unnamed) 7 minutes ago
- › [BI] Samsung CHG90 49 inch ultrawide reveal 7 minutes ago
- › Thinking about the 8600K 7 minutes ago
- › [AdoredTV] History of Nvidia GeForce 8 minutes ago
- › [Official] Assetto Corsa Information & Discussion Thread 11 minutes ago
- › Seasonic Flagship PRIME SERIES SSR-1200PD 1200W PLATINUM FULL... by mllrkllr88
- › Corsair Obsidian 750D Computer Case With Side Panel Window by The_Rocker
- › Asus Xonar Essence STX 124 dB SNR / Headphone AMP Card by The_Rocker
- › Creative Sound Blaster Z Series ZXR (70SB151000000) Sound Card by The_Rocker
- › Intel Core i7-5820K Haswell-E 6-Core 3.3GHz LGA 2011-v3 140W... by foofer1233
- › Intel Core i7-3930K 3.2 1 LGA 2011 Processor - BX80619I73930K by powerhouse
- › HDPLEX H5 Fanless Computer Chassis by michelme67
- › Nuance Power PDF Standard by Lady Fitzgerald
- › ID-COOLING SE214L Snow Edition CPU Heatsink by DaveLT
- › Team Dark 16GB (2 x 8GB) 288-Pin DDR4 SDRAM DDR4 2400 (PC4 19200)... by ADmodz
- › Hands-On: TCL 55″ P-Series 4K HDR TV is...
- › (OPINION) AMD shot themselves in the foot by...
- › The Best CPUs of 1H 2017 (DRAFT)
- › AM4 Motherboard manufacturers , make...
- › AsRock, you dissapointed me on Ryzen launch...
- › Why 240GB, 250GB , 256GB, and 275GB SATA3 SSD...
- › The Orion Spectrum: Everything You Need from...
- › Windows 10 Tweaks
- › Analyzing the Source Code of UEFI for Intel...
- › Overclock.net Counter Strike: Global...