No wonder I'm falling in and out of a comfortable state of being with this girl I'm after. For today's rant, I will detail my frustrations with people who think they can have their cake and eat it.
In this particular case, my ex will be attending the stage as an example (surprising! exciting! FABULOUS!). She treats me better than a friend in some respects, but in others treats me worse. She treats me better when it's just me and her, but when it comes to being in public around her gossip fed friends she can't be seen for **** with me. Not anymore anyway! That used to be different for the first few weeks I came back into contact with her, but that has since faded.
She broke up with her boyfriend in an attempt to free herself from the crap he's put her through, only to be pulled by one of his strings once again. That's alright. He's a great guy, I'm sure he'll take the time to make things right soon (define soon? like maybe june?). Even though she's definitely showed signs of being interested in me again, she's starting to crawl back into her shell again and it drives me nuts. She's comfortable with the level "we're" at right now, which to her is "friends". You want to see friends? I'll show her what the friend level is with me, because it's nothing like what she's been getting in the past week. She perceives it as friends to her convenience, but I know my actions to be at a higher level. She can't have things both ways.
Somehow or another I'm going to kill the myth she has that things will stay at the friend level. Maybe that sounds a bit selfish or too blunt, but with me I can only truly give one woman attention. If she wants to stay at a friend level but she likes what she has now, she's going to have a big ******* wake up call when someone else grabs my attention as a direct result of her inability to make up her mind. That is how I work, I can't change it overnight or with ease.
This is probably the most cynical I've ever felt in quite some time. Why do I even bother? That's a mystery in itself. Maybe I need to learn that I can't have my cake and eat it either.