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The Simple Things

First and foremost, hello everyone. I'm timxirish.. Or just timx if you prefer. Certainly not a whole lot of you know me here at OCN. A few of you have seen me around, but in general I do a lot of lurking and drift to and from OCN often.. But I would like to introduce myself somehow, so starting a blog here would probably be the most efficient way to kickstart that. Never been much for welcome threads anyway, and I may or may not have made one a year ago when I joined-- I really don't remember.

Few quick facts about myself. I love thinking and I love phillosophy. Though there are times that I hate both. Music plays a fairly large role in my life because of this. I'm not about to say music is my life, because that's a cliché phrase I've always despised... But it does play a critical role in my cognitive processes.

Quote:
I've run a mile in my head. I didn't listen to the things that you said.. But it's the simple things that make you smile... It's the simple things that make you smile.

So what went wrong? Was it me that let you down again? So what went wrong? How could I ever lose my best friend?

'Cause i've climbed these walls to clear my head. Thought I was something more but I'm a fool instead.. But it's the simple things that make you smile... It's the simple things that make you smile.
I'm sure everyone's had an experience that somehow can be illustrated by the lyrics above. I certainly have, and at this very moment it is directly linked at the loss of someone very close to me. Go figure, eh?

It was the simple things that made her smile.. And seeing that smile was simple enough for me to share one back. Ironically enough, sometimes simple things are also what cause problems. Even today, after apologies have been exchanged, I am still uncertain what the exact cause was of our falling out.

I was informed initially that I had done absolutely nothing wrong.. I want to believe that was true. I feel I can even believe the statement to be true without lying to myself. But if that's the case.. What was the cause of tragedy?

In any situation, I have always believed that no one is innocent-- Everyone plays a part. Even before a third party stepped in and caused anger to surface, I still felt I could have done better.. As great as I was told I was.

One of my favorite movie quotes comes from the Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. "Constantly talking isn't neccisarily communicating". I've always put emphasis on communication, and I feel I did well on my part.. And more times than not, she did as well. Because of this, I find myself constantly wondering these three words: "What went wrong?".

Sometimes I wonder how things would have been different had I made extra efforts to learn more about her past, as well as check up on her more often. Looking at the big picture, I did check up on her quite a bit..

Did I let my guard down?.. and just let myself slow that to a near halt? I certainly hope not. Especially since I'm talking about the first female I've revealed to be my near exact parallel. Especially since I'm talking about the first guy to be revealed as her near exact parallel. If that was any different, I would have walked away by now. I also would have walked away if I felt I didn't have her best interest in mind.

Occasionally I will think back on better days, and how proud I was of her in every way.. And simontaneously having no guilt and no regrets. It was a beautiful feeling, and in my younger days, it was something I had only seen a glimpse of once before.

More than anything else, I want to make sure she keeps smiling. I hardly have any other deep desires embedded in me at all. And if it's the simple things that make her smile.. Maybe a simple approach is all it takes. I can only hope a simple approach is all it takes.

I don't know what the future holds, or what my role is in all of this. I know what I would like my role to be, but I am well aware that often times things never go the way we want them to. And in this case especially, that's very difficult to fathom.

Quote:
...I wanted to tell my 'old' self, that in order to protect someone, you have to sacrifice your own life. But to continue to protect someone, is to never betray them.
I never wanted to become angry, regardless of how short lived the phase was. But it's difficult to know a person's actual thoughts/feelings when someone else is speaking for them. Misunderstanding on both sides lit the flames, and for once, I had hurt her. No... I had betray her. And unlike any other decision I've had to make, it certainly was the most painful. I did not believe at the time that we would ever make amends.

My final question is this.. How do you show someone that they deserve more than a life alone, if that's all they have said they see themselves having?

If I remain to ensure the cold doesn't consume her beauty, I need to protect and above all.. never betray again.

...

It's the simple things that make us smile.. And I believe it's the simple things that also protect us.

-timx

All comments welcome.

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Overclock.net › Member Blogs › The Simple Things