The first times..They kinda scare me.

So I'm 20 years old and I realize now that If I don't go to college I never will. I keep thinking when I'm laying in my bed at night am I making the right decision for myself or am I putting my partners future ahead of mine. Gah, I'm 20 years old renting a home, paying a car payment and in a week and a half I'm going a vacation in Florida with Cameron. I feel like I've already established some kind of adulthood and I still feel like a kid. Maybe this is normal for people that have lots of responsibilities ? Who am I to question these thinngs I guess.

I can remember my first day of my first job, I just knew I was gonna screw up atleast 5 things before I started, I did well; I actually enjoyed putting back into society and meeting people and I never thought I would. Now that I work full time doing what I really do enjoy, I just wonder where my life is gonna lead me, what choices I am making are gonna improve for my future.

I'm 20 and I have more responsibility than my 33 year old crackhead brother that can't mount to anything. I'm 20, out of the closet, working full time, paying all my bills, renting a home , and I feel like I haven't even scraped the top of what I'm capable of and it seems I'm so much more capable than I realize, maybe I just don't give myself enough credit. Alas, The first times, sigh; they kinda scare me.