http://www.overclock.net/blogs/the-pook/ An overclocking forum devoted to maximizing the performance of graphics cards, CPUs, motherboards, RAM and everything else found inside your computer case. en Tue, 24 Nov 2009 19:47:53 GMT vBulletin 1 http://static.overclock.net/images/oc/misc/rss.jpg http://www.overclock.net/blogs/the-pook/ http://www.overclock.net/blogs/the-pook/1191-kissy-kissy.html Sat, 20 Jun 2009 03:16:34 GMT I hate you, 21st century technology.
I've been looking at my monitor all day today and all night so far.
I've been selfish these past 48 hours, but I still don't think I deserve this slap to the face.
In a different light, in different contrast, and in a different angle, I've reconnected.
Still, just staring at and LCD. Pixels. Plastic.
I'm not a genius, but 9 times out of 10, you're right.
I'm not a doctor, but I know 10 times out of 9, this isn't healthy.
I'm not a psychic, but I know I will wake up 10 times tonight, roll over, check my computer or my phone, and be disappointed all ten of those times.

I don't know why I wrote this. It doesn't matter.
It's not helpful to help you guys and it's too vague for you to help me.
I'd still like for something I write to matter once in a while.
Not to OCN, though. Doesn't hurt ... I mean to her, though.
Maybe in a different light, different contrast, and in a different angle, it will.
But I'm wrong. ]]> The Pook http://www.overclock.net/blogs/the-pook/1191-kissy-kissy.html http://www.overclock.net/blogs/the-pook/971-you-know-what-completely-sucks.html Tue, 10 Mar 2009 01:48:39 GMT A few things.

Danielle.
You're in my head all the time. You're everywhere, really. Everywhere. Every day, every place. I turn around and you're there. People tell me to 'get you out of my head' and for the first time I almost did just that. But alas, you're back here, and I feel guilty that I even remotely wanted to forget you.

My ex.
The only thing I'm completely happy for is that I'm starting to resent you instead of missing you.

Girl who I was interested in.
There is really nothing you did for me to stop liking you. I still do. You put yourself out there that you like me and are interested. For a while, I responded back, to let you know I felt the same. Then someone else stepped in and stole your thunder. Alas, you're left here flirting with me and I can't do anything but do it back for the sake of not going into a deep conversation where you think of me as a typical guy trying to get in your pants.

Girl who I am now interested in.
STOP BEING SO NICE AND SMART AND FUNNY AND WONDERFUL AND FLIRTY AND HAVING TICKLE FIGHTS WITH ME ON YOUR BED BECAUSE YOU HAVE A BOYFRIEND AND I WANT NOTHING MORE THAN TO JUST HOLD YOUR HAND OR CUDDLE OR KISS BUT DAMMIT YOU'RE NOT SINGLE. TEMPTATION IS THE MOST PAIN IN THE ASS THING. IF YOU GUYS FIGHT ALL THE TIME THEN BREAK UP BUT DON'T TRY TO PUT ME IN THE MIDDLE OF YOU TWO BECAUSE I'M ACTUALLY VERY TEMPTED IF IT WEREN'T FOR THE FACT I KNOW I'D FEEL GUILTY AFTERWARD.

Caps lock is cruise control for cool.

:mad: ]]> The Pook http://www.overclock.net/blogs/the-pook/971-you-know-what-completely-sucks.html http://www.overclock.net/blogs/the-pook/877-doors-touch-me.html Thu, 05 Feb 2009 03:10:12 GMT These past few days my temper randomly kicks in but I don't care anymore. I yell and flip out and curse and throw stuff. Sets of keys at people that say the wrong thing, my cell phone, chairs, often in the direction of the problem. Needless to say, it doesn't go well when in class, especially going off how easily angered I am as of late.

It's like a light switch, the slightest thing has been setting it on.
Off, on, off, on, off, on, off.

ON.

Anyway.

I went running today. It's the first time I ran since football ended. I can't remember why I stopped, but I only started because my car broke down and I had to run home. It was a nice way to clean my mind out some, to not think. It was just me and the pavement. I'm a person of habit and I don't do well in change - that's why I think I like the sound of my feet on the ground of my loud breathing in sync with my pulse - it's repeating and predictable. It's demanding but relaxing. That's why I went driving in the first place, to clear my head. It didn't go as planned, though. As soon as I got home I tried to sleep.

Dear God, the dreams are horrible. It's not even worth sleeping. I fall asleep and nightmares, wake up, go to sleep, nightmares, wake up, wash, rinse, repeat. I can't fight them, either. It's some indie film that was poorly done, jumping around from once place to another place - every place more vivid and worse than the last. She was running up to hug me and she shatters before she gets to me. Her house is on fire but she's locked in and I can't get her out. She's telling me to chase her and she's out of my sight before I can even move. Something exploded across the house. She crashed her car and I had a chance to stop it but I didn't. I'm standing over her. I stabbed her, literally, in the back, after I help her up. I carry her out the building in careful steps, and she tells me she's always there for me. Then another explosion, and I wake up.

I want to get you out of my head, for once. You're in my head all the time, you're there everywhere. Everyday. Every place. I turn around, I see you. Everyone is telling me "get her out of your head." I can't imagine you being out of my head for an entire day. It's like when we make eachother lose at the game that we were fascinated for all of middle school. "Don't tell me you didn't think of it first."

For once, I'd like to win at the thinking game. ]]> The Pook http://www.overclock.net/blogs/the-pook/877-doors-touch-me.html http://www.overclock.net/blogs/the-pook/869-my-nerves-hurt.html Tue, 03 Feb 2009 03:16:20 GMT I have insomnia. I have terrible, terrible insomnia. My mind goes like it's a TV and the change channel button is stuck in one direction. Even attempting to sleep is no longer a necessity for me. I've got an hour of on and off sleep last night and it's 10PM now. I'm tired but I'm only tired physically. Sleep won't be obtainable tonight. There's too much to think about. I'm wide awake and talking to Thad about zebras. I'm trying to figure out everything that happened this week so it'll hurt less next week. Bad Company has been playing on repeat in my head, but I haven't listened to that song in years. A goose. Gumby. Danielle. another goose. These shoes I want. Chelsea. Danielle. Kenya. Kenya is an ocean away. I hate swimming. Iced coffee. Traffic that's always on 485. Money problems. College plans, or lack of. Danielle. Some scratch on my truck. Bi-Low. The window at work. The stain on the floor at work. American Beauty. Danielle. Purple. Bulletin boards. Danielle. Texting. Pens that barely work from the package. Danielle. Dehydration. Danielle. Danielle. Danielle. ]]> The Pook http://www.overclock.net/blogs/the-pook/869-my-nerves-hurt.html http://www.overclock.net/blogs/the-pook/859-how-about-toast.html Sat, 31 Jan 2009 06:24:07 GMT ... those that wear sunglassess because it's easier than explaining which 'friend' you got in a fight with this time.

... those that drive with the windows rolled down no matter how cold it is because you like to feel the air.

... those that act on only emotion and regret pulling into that driveway and getting out of your car.

... those that know they should shut their mouth, ignore the phone call, and keep driving - but don't.

... those that live in their own minds, no matter how broken or dangerous the thoughts are.

... those that try to fix things that go wrong even if it's not their fault.

... those who don't know how to react when someone pulls them close.

... those that can't take everything in stride all the time.

... those who had everything and lost all of it.

... those that hurt.

But all the small things make up the big picture.
And all the small things make me happy.

A long shower. Not too cold and not too hot. The kind where you just stand there and let the water run on your head and down your neck and across your chest. It doesn't matter how long you torment yourself with your own thoughts because it's just you and water. Everything will be alright, until the water shuts off and you pull the curtain back. It's the cocaine of waking up early.

Savannah's mom asking me if I want some coffee. Not fancy, but not plain. I'm not a fan of coffee but there's something about getting coffee and not ordering it, just walking in and being asked if you're thirsty this morning and saying yes ma'am. Being around Savannah's and her family set the morning off right. It makes actually getting up and going to school bearable.

Little things I do. Making other people happy makes me happy. I'm just now learning the best thing I've got from my mom is slowly learning to be selfless. There's a good bit of pleasure found in bringing someone an unexpected present, even if it's just seeing them when they're sick. Tuesday was one of those days. The smile on Veronica's face when I left made me think she might actually have liked the gesture of me stopping by more than the OJ and ice pops.

Colors. Some days I'll get pissed off and just lay on my bed and look out the window and try to find the deepest shade of each color I can see. It's simple but fascinating and at the same time it completely changes my mood. I want to tell everyone the colors I see but I know it'd be a lost cause it'd never be something you can explain.

If everything were that simple, there would be no reason for expecting the worst and drinking to cure depression before it even kicks in. ]]> The Pook http://www.overclock.net/blogs/the-pook/859-how-about-toast.html