Scratch: Silentium~Arcane Arts - Page 350 - Overclock.net

**repo_man** · 11-18-08

Quote:

Originally Posted by Syrillian

Well... that took a weird turn.

Indeed, a weird turn even for your threads! LOL\

So a man and his wife go to watch a movie. About half-way through the wife turns to the husband and says, "Honey, I want to go. Can we please leave?" The husband replies, "But we're only halfway through the movie, whats wrong?" She says, "it's the guys next to me, he's masturbating, and he's been doing it for 10mins" He replies "just ignore it, he'll stop soon enough" The wife turns and says "No, you don't understand, he's using my hand.

**[PWN]Schubie** · 11-18-08

**radodrill** · 11-18-08

What's the difference between Elton John and Princess Diana?
One's composing, the other is decomposing.

XFreeRollerX · 11-18-08

Oh god this thread went from epic sex with my eyes to pwning my brain in physics class

gawd this thread is gawdlike

WBaS · 11-18-08

Quote:

Originally Posted by repo_man

Indeed, a weird turn even for your threads! LOL

So a man and his wife go to watch a movie. About half-way through the wife turns to the husband and says, "Honey, I want to go. Can we please leave?" The husband replies, "But we're only halfway through the movie, whats wrong?" She says, "it's the guys next to me, he's masturbating, and he's been doing it for 10mins" He replies "just ignore it, he'll stop soon enough" The wife turns and says "No, you don't understand, he's using my hand.

That one made me ROTFL.

**radodrill** · 11-18-08

Redneck Professional Engineering Exam

1. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon tree that will support a ten-pound possum.

2. Which of the following cars will rust out the quickest when placed on blocks in your front yard?

A) '66 Ford Fairlane,
B) '69 Chevrolet Chevelle,
C) '64 Pontiac GTO

3. If your Uncle JW builds a still that operates at capacity of 20 gallons of shine per hour, how many car radiators are necessary to condense the product?

4 A pulpwood cutter has a chain saw that operates at 2700 rpm. The density of the pine trees in a plot to be harvested is 470 per acre. The plot is 2.3 acres in size. The average tree diameter is 14 inches. How many Pabst Blue Ribbons will be consumed in cutting the trees?

5. If every old refrigerator in the state vented its charge of R-12 simultaneously, what would be the decrease in the ozone layer?

6. A front porch is constructed of 2" x 8" pine on 24-inch centers with a field-rock foundation. The span is eight feet and the porch length is 16 feet. The porch floor is 1-inch rough-sawn pine. When the porch collapses, how many hound dogs will be killed?

7. A man owns a house and 3.7 acres of land in a hollow with an average slope of 15 percent. The man has five children. Can each of the children place a mobile home on the man's land?

8. A two-ton pulpwood truck is overloaded and proceeding down a steep grade on a secondary road at 45 mph. The brakes fail. Given the average traffic loading of redneck country roads, how many people will swerve to avoid the truck before it crashes at the bottom of the mountain? For extra credit, how many of the vehicles that swerved will have mufflers and uncracked windshields?

9. A coal mine operates a NFPA Class 1, Division 2, Hazardous Area. The mine employs 120 miners per shift. A gas warning is issued at the beginning of the third shift. How many cartons of unfiltered Camels will be smoked during the shift?

10. How many generations will it take before redneck cattle develop two legs shorter than the others because of grazing along a mountain side?

EXTRA CREDIT

A. If Daisy Duke were the half-sister of both her Uncle Billy Bob, who never had children outside of the immediate family, and her Aunt Lilly Mae who was married to her Cousin Jethro, what would you say her relationship is to Billy Bob and Lilly Mae's illegitimate son Bucky?

B. How many rednecks does it take to change a light bulb (not including the one stealing a bulb from the neighbors)?

C. How many widths of red clay brick should the Hatfields use in constructing the walls of their house, knowing the McCoys just purchased a Tomahawk missile at the local skinhead rally?

Cigarettes and Tampons

A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up & down the aisles.
The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him.
He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife.
She directs him down the correct aisle.
A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter.
She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?
He answers, "You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store
to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper.
So, I figure if I have to roll my own .......... so does she.

**radodrill** · 11-18-08

Here's some mods that I'm sure McStuff would like

prracer6 · 11-18-08

You can always expect more than a build in syr's threads

*CyberDruid* · 11-18-08

Redneck Professional Engineering Exam

1. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon tree that will support a ten-pound possum.

'Bout big 'round as mah thumb.

2. Which of the following cars will rust out the quickest when placed on blocks in your front yard?

A) '66 Ford Fairlane,
B) '69 Chevrolet Chevelle,
C) '64 Pontiac GTO

The Chevy of course.

3. If your Uncle JW builds a still that operates at capacity of 20 gallons of shine per hour, how many car radiators are necessary to condense the product?

Depends on how deep and cold the crick is (is this one of them trick questions?)

4 A pulpwood cutter has a chain saw that operates at 2700 rpm. The density of the pine trees in a plot to be harvested is 470 per acre. The plot is 2.3 acres in size. The average tree diameter is 14 inches. How many Pabst Blue Ribbons will be consumed in cutting the trees?

1 case per man per acre in the Fall

5. If every old refrigerator in the state vented its charge of R-12 simultaneously, what would be the decrease in the ozone layer?

This is a trick question...there aint no such thing as a hozone layer and you know it.

6. A front porch is constructed of 2" x 8" pine on 24-inch centers with a field-rock foundation. The span is eight feet and the porch length is 16 feet. The porch floor is 1-inch rough-sawn pine. When the porch collapses, how many hound dogs will be killed?

3

7. A man owns a house and 3.7 acres of land in a hollow with an average slope of 15 percent. The man has five children. Can each of the children place a mobile home on the man's land?

Hell yes.

8. A two-ton pulpwood truck is overloaded and proceeding down a steep grade on a secondary road at 45 mph. The brakes fail. Given the average traffic loading of redneck country roads, how many people will swerve to avoid the truck before it crashes at the bottom of the mountain?

7

For extra credit, how many of the vehicles that swerved will have mufflers and uncracked windshields?

2 with mufflers and 3 with uncracked windshields (I could be off a bit)

9. A coal mine operates a NFPA Class 1, Division 2, Hazardous Area. The mine employs 120 miners per shift. A gas warning is issued at the beginning of the third shift. How many cartons of unfiltered Camels will be smoked during the shift?

9

10. How many generations will it take before redneck cattle develop two legs shorter than the others because of grazing along a mountain side?

That don't make no sense. If God'd wanted them cows to have short legs on one side or t'other Hed'd give it to 'em on the Ark.
EXTRA CREDIT

A. If Daisy Duke were the half-sister of both her Uncle Billy Bob, who never had children outside of the immediate family, and her Aunt Lilly Mae who was married to her Cousin Jethro, what would you say her relationship is to Billy Bob and Lilly Mae's illegitimate son Bucky?

His Wife of course.

B. How many rednecks does it take to change a light bulb (not including the one stealing a bulb from the neighbors)?

How many is there?

C. How many widths of red clay brick should the Hatfields use in constructing the walls of their house, knowing the McCoys just purchased a Tomahawk missile at the local skinhead rally?

As many as they kin git

**radodrill** · 11-18-08

Quote:

Originally Posted by CyberDruid

9. A coal mine operates a NFPA Class 1, Division 2, Hazardous Area. The mine employs 120 miners per shift. A gas warning is issued at the beginning of the third shift. How many cartons of unfiltered Camels will be smoked during the shift?

9

Is that 9 cartons per person? If so, that means 1080 cartons for all 120 miners over the shift; otherwise, it's only 15 cigarettes (less than a pack) per miner over the shift

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