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post #91 of 365 Old 12-15-2009, 07:16 PM
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I laughed at this one hard, since I just bought my first car a few months ago, after doing hours of random and pointless research. I knew the name, model, trim, and exact year of every car on the lot before most of the salesmen could read me the year and model off of the tag of a single vehicle...
on to the joke:
Quote:
What's the difference between a computer salesman and a used-car salesman?

The used-car salesman KNOWS when he's lying.

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post #92 of 365 Old 12-15-2009, 07:16 PM
 
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In for Dirt 2

This is the true story of George Phillips of Meridian, Mississippi, who was going to bed when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the shed. George opened the door to go turn off the light but saw there were people in the shed in the process of stealing things.

He immediately phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?" and George said no and explained the situation. Then they explained that all patrols were busy, and that he should simply lock his door and an officer would be there when available.

George said, "Okay," hung up, counted to 30, and phoned the police again.

"Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people in my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now because I've just shot them all."

Then he hung up. Within five minutes three squad cars, an Armed Response unit, and an ambulance showed up. Of course, the police caught the burglars red-handed.

One of the policemen said to George: "I thought you said that you'd shot them!"

George said, "I thought you said there was nobody available!"

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post #93 of 365 Old 12-15-2009, 07:20 PM
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in for dirt 2
Reasons Why Windows Is Not A Virus
1. Viruses are free.

2. Viruses don't take up most of your hard drive.

4. Viruses don't have major bugs.

5. Viruses don't have three different sets of documentation.

6. Viruses don't leak info to the press about the upcoming Jerusalem 95, to keep people from switching to Michelangelo/2 Warp.

7. Viruses aren't on every computer.

8. Nobody cares if a virus turns out to be 16 bit, even though it is advertised as 32...

9. Viruses install themselves !
did u notice theres no number 3?

Quote:
Originally Posted by CL3P20 go_quote.gif
..he is teh law.. biggrin.gif you know what happens if you get on the wrong side of teh law!
Quote:
Originally Posted by GSingh go_quote.gif
He is teh law givah.
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post #94 of 365 Old 12-15-2009, 07:24 PM
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In for DIRT 2

Saxton Hale gave birth to his son, Chuck Norris, after engaging in intercourse with a nearby Saltwater Crocodile while drinking his own Jarate and flexing his muscles.


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post #95 of 365 Old 12-15-2009, 07:27 PM
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Ok Im in for this Dirt 2
here goes hope this hasnt been posted.
Whats the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa Clause.

Santa stops at 3 Ho's
Hope I win. Thanks for a awesome contest and Happy Holidays.


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post #96 of 365 Old 12-15-2009, 07:57 PM
 
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Im in. awesome giveaway

The best things in life are unseen, thats why we close our eyes when we kiss, cry, and dream!

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post #97 of 365 Old 12-15-2009, 08:03 PM
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Totally in for dirt 2,

Wife: Hunny, I think the carboraters flooded.
husband: I didn't know you knew anything about cars! Wheres it at I'll go have it fixed in a Jiffy!
Wife: I forgot to put the barking brake on and it rolled into the lake

Quote:
Quote:
Do you have any idea how many people will start yelling at me if I bump this thread in 40 years?Originally Posted by Licht View Post
I'm young and healthy. Bother me about this in 40 years though and i'd be paying attention.
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post #98 of 365 Old 12-15-2009, 08:26 PM
 
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A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, "Wanna hear a blonde joke?"

In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know something."

Our bartender IS blonde, the bouncer is blonde. I'm a 6' tall, 200 lb black belt. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2", weighs 225, and he's a rugby player. The fella to your right is 6'5" pushing 300 and he's a wrestler. Each one of US is blonde. Think about it, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"

The blind guy says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

The best things in life are unseen, thats why we close our eyes when we kiss, cry, and dream!

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post #99 of 365 Old 12-15-2009, 10:17 PM
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I'm in for Dirt 2.

What do priests and Christmas trees have in common?

A: Their balls are just for decoration.


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post #100 of 365 Old 12-15-2009, 10:23 PM
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Yay for nerd humor.

Comparison Drug Dealers Software Engineers
Quote:
" The first one is free" "Download a free trial version" . Have important South-Asia connections (to help move the stuff) Have important South-Asia connections (to help debug the code). Strange jargon : " Stick", " Rock", " Dime bag", " E" Strange jargon: " TCP/IP", " XML", " Java", " SQL". Realize that there's a ton of cash in the 14- to 25-year-old market Realize that there's a ton of cash in the 14- to 25-year-old market. Job is assisted by industry's producing newer, more potent mixes Job is assisted by industry's producing newer, faster machines. Often seen in the company of pimps and hustlers Often seen in the company of marketing people and venture capitalists Their products cause unhealthy addictions. DOOM. Quake. SimCity. Duke Nukem 3D.; Enough said. Do your job well and you can sleep with sexy movie stars who depend on you Damn! Damn! DAMN!
Quote:
Once a programmer drowned in the sea. Many Marines where at that time on the beach, but the programmer was shouting "F1 F1" and nobody understood it.
Quote:
A grade school teacher was asking his pupils what their parents did for a living.
"Tim, you be first. What does your mother do all day?"
Tim stood up and proudly said, "She's a doctor."
"That's wonderful. How about you, Amy?"
Amy shyly stood up, scuffed her feet and said, "My father is a mailman."
"Thank you, Amy" said the teacher. "What does your parent do, Billy?"
Billy proudly stood up and announced, "My daddy plays piano in a whorehouse."
The teacher was aghast and went to Billy's house and rang the bell. Billy's father answered the door. The teacher explained what his son had said and demanded an explanation. Billy's dad said, "I'm actually a system programmer specializing in TCP/IP communication protocol on UNIX systems. How can I explain a thing like that to a seven-year-old?"
Quote:
Young Son: "Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?"
Dad: That happens in every country, son.

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