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Kingston hyper x (FINISHED PLEASE CLOSE) *** - Page 12  

post #111 of 149
Bubba and Junior were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking up.

A woman walked by and asked what they were doing. "We're supposed to find the height of the flagpole," said Bubba, "but we don't have a ladder." The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a few bolts, and laid the pole down. Then she took a tape measure from her pocket, took a measurement and announced, "Eighteen feet, six inches," and walked away.

Junior shook his head and laughed. "Ain't that just like a dumb blonde! We ask for the height, and she gives us the length!"
post #112 of 149
A turtle stands at a busy intersection, and wants to get across the six lanes of rapidly moving traffic, consisting of everything from taxi cabs to semis. He has no special turtle powers and only his shell for protection. Without any intervention from outside forces, people, or animals; how can the turtle cross the road?

::::HINT::::
Start with the word "FreeWay", drop the 'F' out of "Free" and the 'F' out of "Way".


EDIT: After reading through 11 pages of rather funny jokes i've found a variation of this.. I like mine better for the details which act as misdirection but will post another in the spirit of the thread and giveaway!

There are 3 people and they are shipwrecked. They meet a cannibalistic tribe. The tribe tells the people to find 10 of a kind of any fruit on their island and maybe they'll spare that person. The first guy comes back with 10 apples. The tribe tells him to stick all ten up his butt without laughing or making a noise and he can stay alive. He manages to get one up before laughing and so the tribe eats him. The second guy comes back with grapes. He sticks 9 up his butt without saying anything but then on the tenth one, he starts laughing like crazy. In heaven, the first guy asks the second one, "Why did you laugh? You could have stayed alive!" 2nd guy: "I saw the third guy coming back with pineapples!"
Edited by jcpiont23 - 8/25/11 at 9:19pm
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post #113 of 149
I have that exact same kit , would love another 4gb !!

in australia though
    
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post #114 of 149
why dont cannibals eat clowns??

because they taste funny!!


im in!
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post #115 of 149
Aww what the heck. I'm in!

A lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes & said, "I would like to buy some cyanide". The pharmacist asked, "Why?" The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband." The pharmacist said "that's against the law! Absolutely not!" The lady reached into her purse & pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife.The pharmacist looked at the picture & replied, "You didn't tell me you had a prescription".
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post #116 of 149
Iraq isn't a comedy filled place. It's not like there are comedy clubs in Iraq.
You don't go to a club and expect someone to say,

"Welcome to Sadam's Ji-ha-ha-ha-ha-d hut!"
"Our comedy is the BOMB!"
"Watch us EXPLODE with laughter!"
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post #117 of 149
**disclaimer I am not a racist, nor do I wish to offend anyone (one of my good Jewish friends told me this one)

What is the Jewish dilemma?


Free bacon
post #118 of 149
A man, his wife and his dog are going fishing, just before they leave the wife says that she doesn't want to go and is there any way to get out of it. The man says there are 2 ways (note i will fullstop these because it might * them), o.r.a.l or a.n.a.l so she get down and starts sucking. she says "honey, you taste like s.h.i.t!" so he replied "the dog didn't want to go fishing either.

Sorry if its a bit rude, but it always makes me laugh. IN!

EDIT - woops i didn't see that you had to be in the US, ow well, hope some people like the joke anyway.
Edited by PhishTaco - 8/27/11 at 9:33pm
    
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post #119 of 149
Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was
really pissed.

She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the
driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"

The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke
up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box
gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought
the box back in the house.

She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Bob has been missing since Friday.
   
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post #120 of 149
Why Is Viagra like Disney land?
Because You have to wait an hour for a 3 minute ride
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