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Kingston hyper x (FINISHED PLEASE CLOSE) *** - Page 7  

post #61 of 149
An old man and his wife are laying in bed. He farts, and mumbles "First down."

Puzzled, his wife asks, "What is that?"

"Fart football" he replies. A few minutes go by and he let's another one rip. "Pass complete, touchdo-." She immediately interrupts with one of her own, and replies "Interception."

Disgruntled, he starts working on another. Before he can execute his play, she lets one rip and exclaims "TOUCHDOWN!" with a giggle.

Not to be outdone, he really starts putting in some effort, and let's a BIG one go a little too far... And craps the bed.

Hearing something strange about it, she asks, "What was THAT?"

"Halftime" he replies, "TIME TO SWITCH SIDES"

...

In
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post #62 of 149
Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.

IN!
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post #63 of 149
An old maid wanted to travel by bus to the pet cemetery with the remains of her cat. As she boarded the bus, she whispered to the driver, I have a dead *****.

The driver pointed to the woman in the seat behind him and said, "Sit with my wife. You two have a lot in common.



In!
post #64 of 149
Thanks for the freebie OP!!!

LAWS


TEN OF MURPHY'S LESSER KNOWN LAWS

1. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

2. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

3. Those that live by the sword get shot by those who don't.

4. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.

5. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something
right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.

6. If you lined up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them, five or six at a time, on a hill, in the fog.

7. The things that come to those who wait will be the scraggly junk left by
those who got there first.

8. The shin bone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.

9. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

10. When you go into court, you are putting yourself into the hands of 12 people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.
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post #65 of 149
I should win cause I'm better then ALL YOU B*T**S.


I'm in.
Edited by iSin - 8/19/11 at 9:19am
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post #66 of 149
Awesomeness

Joke:

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but she couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?" The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."
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post #67 of 149
Try to take the time to think through this, it's MUCH funnier if you actually figure it out. Enjoy, and IN!

How do you fit an elephant in a shopping bag?

Hint below in white:
Take the S out of Safe, and the F out of Way.


Answer below in white:
There's no F in Way.
(There's no effin way.)
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post #68 of 149
Doctor tells the husband 'Bad news...'
Lay it on my Doc.
Your wife has either AIDS or Alzheimer's.
What do I do?
Drop her off across town, if she can find her way home, don't screw her.

Also in!
post #69 of 149
Business was slow so two bored casino dealers are chatting at the craps table. A very attractive blonde lady comes in and wanted to bet $10,000 on a single roll of the dice.
And she adds, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude."
The dealers said OK, With that she takes off everything but her necklace and with her big boobs bouncing she rolls the dice while yelling, "Mama needs new
clothes." Then she yells, "YES, YES, YES!! I WON, I WON, I WON."
She begins jumping up and down bouncing her boobs even more, and hugging both of the dealers. Then she picks up her money and her
clothes and quickly leaves. The dealers just stare at each other dumbfounded.
Finally one of them asks, "What did she roll, anyway?"
The other answers, "I don't know. I thought YOU were watching."




Moral: Not all blondes are dumb.
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post #70 of 149
Little miss muffet sat on her tuffet,eating her curds in way,And along came a spider and sat beside her,and said,what you got in the bowel beaoch?
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