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Kingston hyper x (FINISHED PLEASE CLOSE) *** - Page 8  

post #71 of 149
Two hillbillies are having lunch when a woman seated nearby begins to choke. Hillbilly asks her,"kin ya swallar?" The woman shakes her head no. Hillbilly asks her "kin ya breathe?" Woman shakes her head no. Hillbilly walks over,lifts up her dress, yanks down britches and licks her butt cheek. The woman has a violent spasm and spits out food. The hillbillies' buddy says "ya know,I heerd of that there hind lick maneuver but I aint niver seed nobody do it"....

Ducrider is in.
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post #72 of 149
Three guys, stranded on a desert island, find a magic lantern containing a genie, who grants them each one wish. The first guy wishes he was off the island and back home. The second guy wishes the same. The third guy says "I’m lonely. I wish my friends were back here."

In!
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post #73 of 149
Faking Orgasms
Ladies, you shouldn't do that. You know why? 'Cause we don't even care if you have them. You're totally wasting your time.

In pLease!
post #74 of 149


In, Please!
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post #75 of 149
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a washing machine?
A: A washing machine doesn't call you every day after you dump your load in it.

IN please.
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post #76 of 149
I like Justin bieber. She is hot
love mah rig
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post #77 of 149
A man walks into a public bathroom and begins using one of the urinals. He looks to his left and sees a very short man peeing also. Suddenly, the short man looks up at the taller man, and the taller man is completely embarrassed about staring at the smaller man's penis.

"Sorry," says the taller man."I'm not gay or anything, but you have the longest penis I've ever seen, especially on a man so small!"

"Well," says the Leprechaun, "That's because I'm a leprechaun! All leprechauns have penises this size!" The taller man says, "Incredible! I'd give anything if mine were that long."

"Well, what with me being a Leprechaun and all, I can give you your wish! If you let me take you into that stall over there and screw you, I'll give you your wish!"

"Gee," says the man, "I don't know about that... aw hell with it, OK!"

Soon, the Leprechaun is behind the taller man, just humping away.

"Say," says the Leprechaun, "How old are you, son?"

Finding it difficult to turn with the Leprechaun humping him so ferociously, the tall man says over his shoulder, "Uh-Uh, Thirty-two..."

"Imaging that," says the little man, "Thirty-two and still believes in Leprechauns!"

In please!!!!
 
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post #78 of 149
A man was having problems with premature ejaculation so he decided to go to the doctor. He asked the doctor what he could do to cure his problem. In response, the doctor said, "When you feel like you are getting ready to ejaculate, try startling yourself." That same day the man went to the store and bought himself a starter pistol. All excited to try this suggestion, he ran home to his wife. At home, he found his wife was in bed,naked and waiting. As the two began, they found themselves in the 69 position. The man, moments later, felt the sudden urge to ejaculate and fired the starter pistol. The next day, the man went back to the doctor. The doctor asked, "How did it go?" The man answered, "Not that well... when I fired the pistol, my wife shat On my face, bit 3 inches off my penis and my neighbour came out of the closet with his hands in the air.

In please.
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post #79 of 149
The bride tells her husband
The bride tells her husband, "Honey, you know I'm a virgin and I don't know
anything about sex. Can you explain it to me first?"

"OK, Sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place 'the
prison' and call my private thing 'the prisoner'. So what we do is: put the
prisoner in the prison.

And then they made love for the first time.

Afterwards, the guy is lying face up on the bed, smiling with satisfaction.

Nudging him, his bride giggles, "Honey the prisoner seems to have escaped."

Turning on his side, he smiles. "Then we will have to re-imprison him."

After the second time they spent, the guy reaches for his cigarettes but
the girl, thoroughly enjoying the new experience of making love, gives him
a suggestive smile, "Honey, the prisoner is out again!"

The man rises to the occasion, but with the unsteady legs of a recently
born foal.

Afterwards, he lays back on the bed, totally exhausted.

She nudges him and says, "Honey, the prisoner escaped again."

Limply turning his head, He YELLS at her, "Hey, its not a life sentence,
OKAY!
post #80 of 149
An octopus walks into a bar and see's a band playing in the corner. He walks up and says "I'm the best musician in the world. I can play any instrument you like".

So the English guy goes "Alright then. Play this" and hands him a guitar. The octopus plays it better than Jimi Hendrix, better than Chuck Berry, better than anyone and hands him back the guitar.

The Irishman says "Okay, how about this?" and shows him to the piano. The octopus sits down and plays it like never before - Better than Jerry Lee Lewis and Elton John. The best pianist ever.

Finally, a Scotsman says "Alright, let's see ya play this then" and hands him a set of bagpipes. The octopus looks at them and fumbles with them. Couple more minutes and he's still struggling and there's no sound coming out. Couple more minutes and still nothing so the Scotsman says "Oh, so can you not play it then?"

And the octopus says "Play it? I'm gonna f*ck her when I get her pajamas off"
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