Unfortunately this debate will probably continue on as long as there are multiple competitors in the field that follow different paths in hardware design. The code from a developer will not run the same on both pieces of hardware, especially considering how much work has to be done by NVIDIA and AMD in the drivers before the code reaches the metal. As such, the performance on the green cards is going to be higher on some titles than the red cards and vice versa, leading some to believe that their favorite team is somehow being cheated.
Even more importantly, as hardware gets more complicated and programming for them becomes more complex and more time consuming, developers are actually going to need MORE of this kind of assistance from the likes of NVIDIA and AMD. The technical assistance and shortcuts that both teams provide are essential, especially to those smaller development teams that lack the resources of hundreds of technical staff.
In my view, the only people that can possibly "police" these developer relations programs are the developers themselves; they are the only ones that see everything both sides are offering up. But because so many of the medium to small developers depend on this help from NVIDIA and AMD, they are unlikely to stand up against them individually. It will take one of the larger, more independent companies like Valve, id or even Blizzard to be able to take the stance on the gamerâ€™s side and stick up for the benefit of all PC enthusiasts.