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Folding@Home essay for college frosh eng. - Page 2

post #11 of 46
Quote:
Originally Posted by G|F.E.A.D|Killa View Post
wow good to see that you offer support. instead of saying this is a bad paper ( which it is not) you need to specify in what ways it could of been better. grow up and stop trolling. no one cares about your negative crap. :swearing:
What ever man, I was just pointing out how different teachers are. What's good in one class is bad in another in many cases. Obviously there isn't anything much to fix if she got a B+.
I complimented it at the end, saying how I bet everyone thought it was interesting.

I'm so sorry I hurt your feeling so much.
post #12 of 46
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lol im killas lady havegooda just answered a few questions i had that my lovely fiance didn't know the answers to =]
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post #13 of 46
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dezixn View Post
Lol, in my Freshman english class, that would have been a fairly bad paper.

But clearly your teacher was going for something else.

I bet the people in your class found it interesting, if you had to read it aloud or do any sort of peer editing.
aha that was harsh
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post #14 of 46
Quote:
Originally Posted by R@ZOR View Post
aha that was harsh
exactly. haha
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post #15 of 46
Quote:
Originally Posted by melissaxcupcake View Post
lol im killas lady havegooda just answered a few questions i had that my lovely fiance didn't know the answers to =]
Oh, I see.
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post #16 of 46
Quote:
Originally Posted by justarealguy View Post
Oh, I see.
oh do you now... lol
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post #17 of 46
Quote:
Originally Posted by melissaxcupcake View Post
This is my essay for my college freshman English class, the assignment was to pick a global problem with a local solution. I chose folding as a cure for disease, my boyfriend told me to post it and I wanna see what you guys think. I got a B+ so my English teacher apparently liked it. Let me know what you think! And thanks to havegooda for answering all my questions!



In the United States today cancer is one of the leading causes of death. There are numerous amounts of men and women in the U.S. that will develop cancer during their lifetimes. (Today,<-not needed) millions of people are living with cancer or have had cancer. Many have tried to discover a cure for this horrible disease but none have succeeded yet. Now through Folding@Home(what is F@H?) scientists hope that with the help of people across the world they will soon discover a cure. The sooner a cure for cancer is found (and treatment begins <-not needed), the(better the) chances of living for many more years will greatly increase.

The word cancer originated from the Greek physician Hippocrates. Hippocrates used the terms carcinos and carcinoma to describe non-ulcer forming and ulcer-forming tumors. In Greek those two words refer to a crab, and one can assume he applied those names because the finger-like spreading projections from a cancerous tumor resemble the shape of a crab.

To find the cure for cancer scientists (must<-not needed) study proteins and how they work. Proteins are the basis of how biology gets things done(gets what done?). (As<-remove) enzymes(, they<-remove) are the driving force behind all of the biochemical reactions which make biology work. As structural elements, they are the main component of our bones, muscles, hair, skin and blood vessels. As antibodies, they recognize invading elements and allow the immune system to get rid of the unwanted invaders. For these reasons, scientists have sequenced the human genome, which is the blueprint for all of the proteins in biology. However, only knowing this sequence explains little about what the protein does and how it does it. In order to carry out their function, they must take on a (particular- specific*) shape, also known as a "fold." Proteins are truly amazing machines: before they do their work, they assemble themselves, and this self-assembly is (called- known as*) "folding." The process of protein folding, while critical and fundamental to nearly all of biology, in many ways remains a mystery. When proteins (do not fold correctly, or <- remove) misfold, there can be serious consequences, including many well known diseases, many (Cancers<-cancer is capitol and non-specific) and cancer-related syndromes, Alzheimer's, Huntington's, and Parkinson's disease. (The last sentence is a run on sentence)

Scientists (working<-remove) at Stanford University have come up with a program that studies the folding of proteins called Folding@Home.
(Indent)Folding@Home is a distributed computing project,(period) people (from<-remove) throughout the world download the client ( a what? you must assume that the reader has no knowledge of computers or software) and run software to band together to make one of the largest supercomputers in the world. Every computer takes the project closer to their goals of a cure for cancer and other diseases(how?). From any computer, in any home, all across the world people are downloading the Folding@Home program and folding for a cause.
(indent)Folding@home uses novel computational methods tied to distributed computing, to simulate problems millions of times more challenging than previously achieved(Im not sure what you are trying to say in this sentence). This has allowed scientists to simulate folding for the first time, and (to now direct their approach to examine<-remove) (add-> how) (mis)folding (related- relates*) (issues?)to disease.

Some people may argue that running your CPU(whats a CPU?) all day for weeks on end will significantly raise your electric bill, (but<-remove) that is not (necessarily<-remove) true. (Roughly,<-remove) a (CPU<- once again whats a CPU?) uses about as much power as a 60 watt light bulb. Although power supplies on most computers are rated at 250 watts, average usage is much lower. On average, a Pentium-type computer uses between 45-70 watts while it is on. If the computer has no (idle mode<- whats idle mode?), it will use the same amount of energy whether it is running a program or not. If (it is on idle<-remove, insert-> its idling*), it will consume around 25 watts. So, the daily difference between off and running Folding@Home is about 24x (45 to 70) = 1.1 to 1.7 kWh. At $0.14 per kWh (from PG&E in California), it works out to about $0.15 to $0.24 per day, or about $6 a month. The difference between an (idled<-idling*) computer and one running Folding@Home would be closer to $4 a month(period) (and<-remove) if the computer was already being used 8 hours a day, it would be closer to $3 a month. In general, lighting and climate control use a much larger share of household power than computers do. So the best way to cut costs and conserve energy would be to turn off lights, turn off (your<remove) computer monitors, turn down the heat, and keep folding. Some also like to argue that (when- while*) running the Folding@Home program using the GPU client, or graphics processing unit client, the graphics while gaming will suffer. There is a very simple solution to this problem. When gaming the person running the client can pause it and then resume it again once they have finished with their gaming session. This will allow the person to run their games with the full use of their graphics cards.

Cancer is a problem that affects people all over the world, young and old alike (are at risk<-remove). No one is safe. People have a vague idea of what causes it, and even less of an idea of how to cure it. Folding@Home gives people hope(s- remove) that one day (soon<-remove) a cure will be found. Everyone, no matter where they are in the world(comma) can contribute to this amazing cause. It requires little to no work from the person who wants to help, all they need to do is download a simple program and leave their computer on for as long as their work cycle requires.
I have proof read your paper. For the most part it's pretty good. There are, however, a few issues that need to be addressed. I can see why you got a B and not an A.
Edited by BlackOmega - 12/23/08 at 11:19pm
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post #18 of 46
F@H is fold at home. its how even stanford refers to it.

edit... i get it now lol nevermind.

edit again. sorry black but you removed to much stuff in it. i know you were trying to help but no need to slaughter the essay lol.
Edited by G|F.E.A.D|Killa - 12/23/08 at 11:19pm
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post #19 of 46
Quote:
Originally Posted by G|F.E.A.D|Killa View Post
F@H is fold at home. its how even stanford refers to it.

edit... i get it now lol nevermind.

edit again. sorry black but you removed to much stuff in it. i know you were trying to help but no need to slaughter the essay lol.
its cool, there were just a lot of unneeded words that make the paper somewhat confusing. I assume that the paper is supposed to be informative.
When writing a paper you must assume that the reader is a total dumb*** and has no clue about anything.
BTW, I have yet to get anything less than an A on a paper.
My proof was not totally thorough, if it was there would be a lot more. I used to proof read my moms and brothers grad school papers. They always got A's, the ones I didnt proof they got considerably lower grades.
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post #20 of 46
Quote:
Originally Posted by BlackOmega View Post
its cool, there were just a lot of unneeded words that make the paper somewhat confusing. I assume that the paper is supposed to be informative.
When writing a paper you must assume that the reader is a total dumb*** and has no clue about anything.
BTW, I have yet to get anything less than an A on a paper.
My proof was not totally thorough, if it was there would be a lot more. I used to proof read my moms and brothers grad school papers. They always got A's, the ones I didnt proof they got considerably lower grades.
cool. want a cookie lol.
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