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Universal Combat is the worst game ever created

post #1 of 12
Thread Starter 
My god it is terrible. I tried a demo and eh... (read gamespot and this http://www.somethingawful.com/articles.php?a=2010)

How did this not win the gamespot award of worst game of the the year I don't know?

Can anyone tell me how this sells even a single copy and the company that made vampire bloodlines goes bankrupt?
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post #2 of 12
What the hell?!

Quote:
Universal Combat is one of the first games produced solely for sex offenders. For years these folks have been lobbying Congress and other white people who seemed old and important for a game that would make them, registered sex offenders, feel good about the wretched lives they lead. Dr. Derek Smart, who received a doctorate degree in being Derek Smart, heard their cries and spent the last 27 years of his life creating what he felt was an answer to this terrible dilemma. Universal Combat is the culmination of all his work and efforts, and is a truly amazing product when you consider the fact that Dr. Smart did not actually write a single line of code for it himself, instead copying and pasting free Javascript samples from Tripod websites across the Internet. Unfortunately, such a complex and revolutionary product is tainted by a few omissions and errors, which I will cover in this review.

Universal Combat tells the story of Frankie Gumballs, a space mafia crew member who beats women and flies a spaceship composed of liquid helium. Throughout his epic journey across the galaxy, you'll visit and cruelly pummel 36 different species of females, from the voluptuous Rath'agk, to the smarmy and eternally PMS-ing Grou'ageu. Since UC is billed as a "free floating" game, you may choose to tackle any mission you like while freely floating in a room with other registered sex offenders who gathered to play and have sex with pie tins. Combat and travel is not limited to space, however, as you may visit any number of the 40,382,127 planets in the game, each of which has distinctive terrain ranging from "green grass" to "green grass with a hill" to "green grass with a hill and a tree which does not look like a tree but instead resembles another hill." The ultimate goal of the game is to become the universe's best cocaine dealer and deliver your precious cargo of hardcore drugs to each and every planet while ruining as many families as possible and dating pets.
    
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post #3 of 12
what the hell..
and you actually "tried" it?
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post #4 of 12
Was that review real?
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post #5 of 12
Im all over this!


-Sparda
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post #6 of 12
Thread Starter 
The review is a bit...overzealous (they are somewhat joking...somewhat.)

Read http://www.worthplaying.com/article.php?sid=17055 or search gamespot for actual desciption.

I found it was 3/10 and 5.9/10 respectively after I uninstalled and deleted in anger (this was actually a few months ago but I just came across this Something Awful review and had to share it)

_________________________________________
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post #7 of 12
I'm not clicking the links, but are those descriptions real? Sex Offenders? Women Beaters? ***? With all the PC in the world today, I REALLY surprised that made it through
 
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post #8 of 12
Just look at postal 2
    
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post #9 of 12
Libelous means harmful and untrue. The SomethingAwful review is not real. They made it to bash Derek Smart.
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post #10 of 12
Derek Smart just suck at what he does, which is : A. Lying about having a Ph.D and B: Making so-call revolutionnary games that would be consider as a total ripoff if bought from the Wal-Mart discount bin at 2$ by anyone having a IQ of at least 35

You can only wonder ; have he ever played one of his games?
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