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FREE portal if your manage to crack me up x) - Page 5

post #41 of 70
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by airbozo View Post
A woman went up to the bar in a quiet rural pub...
She gestured alluringly to the bartender who approached her
immediately.
She seductively signaled that he should bring his face closer to hers.
As he did, she gently caressed his full beard.
"Are you the manager?" she asked, softly stroking his face with both hands.
"Actually, no," he replied.
"Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him," she said, running her hands beyond his beard and into his hair.
"I'm afraid I can't," breathed the bartender. "Is there anything I can do?"
"Yes. I need for you to give him a message," she continued, running her forefinger across the bartender's lip and slyly popping a couple of her
fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently.
"What should I tell him?" the bartender managed to say.
"Tell him," she whispered,
"There's no toilet paper, hand soap, or paper towels in the ladies room....
CURRENT BEST POST ^
5 mins to go cmon guys (:
post #42 of 70
My Poor Wallet
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post #43 of 70
    
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post #44 of 70

Cue world's most terrifying irritating laugh...

post #45 of 70
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by runeazn View Post
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EmdV_0cRLQc

basically it says i am turkish.
WINNER ^^
Pm me your steam ID and I'll gift it in the next 12 hours (:
post #46 of 70
The IRS decides to audit Grandpa, and summons him to the IRS office.
The IRS auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his attorney.
The auditor said, "Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, Which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable."
"I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it," says Grandpa. "How about a little demonstration?"
The auditor thinks for a moment and said, "Okay. Go ahead."
Grandpa says, "I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye."

The auditor thinks a moment and says, "It's a bet."
Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor's jaw drops.
Grandpa says, "Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye."
Now the auditor can tell Grandpa isn't blind, so he takes the bet.
Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good eye.
The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand,
with Grandpa's attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.
"Want to go double or nothing?" Grandpa asks, "I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee nto that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between."
The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there's no way this old guy
could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again.
Grandpa stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can't make the
stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor's desk.
The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major Loss into a Huge Win.
But Grandpa's own attorney moans and puts his head in his hands.
"Are you okay?" the auditor asks of Grandpa's Attorney.
"Not really!" says the attorney. "This morning, when Grandpa told me he'd been summoned for an audit
he bet me Twenty-Five Thousand Dollars that he could come in here and pee all over your desk and
that you'd be happy about it !"

or

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her
Husband stalking around with a fly swatter

'What are you doing?'
She asked ..

'Hunting Flies'
He responded.

'Oh. Killing any?'
She asked

'Yep, 3 males, 2 Females,' he replied.
Intrigued, she asked.
'How can you tell them apart?'

He responded,
'3 were on a beer can,
2 were on the phone.'



dang, 1 minute to late
Boeing 777-300er
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post #47 of 70
lol dont tell me you didnt piss yourself at BAPTAZIA (Fantasia was old school rave and drum&bass in london)
    
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post #48 of 70
I opened up a store in Japan last month, started off a bit shaky but now the customers are flooding in!
    
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post #49 of 70

Don't need Portal but ill give you a laugh

post #50 of 70
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