I've repasted my AIO again with a different method:
Imagine the IHS of the CPU is your numpad on your keyboard:
I've always just put a pea sized dot where the 5 key is. (center of IHS)
This time I put small dots where 1,2,3,4,6,7,8,9 are, and a medium dot where 5 is.
I got 86°C max with 83°C average. 2-3°C~ improvement over the best temps I got before.
It's still terrible, but at least I'm not bouncing off of TJmax anymore.
It should run cooler, given the cooler I have and the settings I have set, but I'm kinda burned out working on this thing.
For now this is good enough, and I'm done working on it.
Thanks to everyone for their input and help!