A customer enters a computer shop.
Mr. Praline: I wish to complain about this 2S Cascade Lake-AP system that I purchased not half an hour ago from this very boutique.
Shop Owner: Oh yes, the, uh, the Norwegian Blue...What's, uh...What's wrong with it?
Mr. Praline: I'll tell you what's wrong with it, my lad. It's dead in the water, that's what's wrong with it!
Shop Owner: No, no, it's uh,...it's sleeping.
Mr. Praline: Look, matey, I know a dead system when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now.
Shop Owner: No, no, it's not dead, it's, it's sleepin'! Remarkable system, the Norwegian Blue, idn'it, ay? Beautiful performance!
Mr. Praline: The performance don't enter into it. It's stone dead.
Shop Owner: Nononono, no, no! It's sleeping!
Mr. Praline: All right then, if it's sleepin', I'll wake it up! (shouting at the case) 'Ello, Mister Cascade! I've got a lovely fresh render for you if you show...
(Shop owner hits the case)
Shop Owner: There, the hyper turbo fans moved!
Mr. Praline: No, they didn't, that was you hitting the case!
Shop Owner: I never!!
Mr. Praline: Yes, you did!
Shop Owner: I never, never did anything...
Mr. Praline: (yelling and hitting the case repeatedly) 'ELLO Caskey!!!!! Testing! Testing! Testing! Testing! This is your nine o'clock Wake-on LAN call!
(Takes motherboard out of the case and thumps its water cooler on the counter. Throws it up in the air and watches it plummet to the floor.)
Mr. Praline: Now that's what I call a dead on arrival system.
Shop Owner: No, no.....No, it's stunned!
Mr. Praline: STUNNED?!?
Shop Owner: Yeah! You stunned it, just as it was wakin' up! Norwegian Blues stun easily, major.
Mr. Praline: Um...now look...now look, mate, I've definitely 'ad enough of this. That system is definitely deceased, and when I purchased it not 'alf an hour ago, you assured me that its total lack of viability was due to it bein' tired and shagged out following a prolonged squawk in alarm over AMD's Rome.
Shop Owner: Well, it's...it's, ah...probably pining for the fjords.
Mr. Praline: PININ' for the FJORDS?!?!?!? What kind of talk is that?, look, why did it fall flat on its face the moment I got it home?
Shop Owner: The Norwegian Blue prefers keepin' on its face! Remarkable system, id'nit, squire? Lovely performance!
Mr. Praline: Look, I took the liberty of examining that system when I got it home, and I discovered the only reason that it had been sitting well in benchmarks in the first place was that it had been water chilled.
Shop Owner: Well, o'course it was water chilled! If it hadn't, it would have gotten to the case side panel, bent 'it apart with its heat, and VOOM! Feeweeweewee!
Mr. Praline: "VOOM"?!? Mate, this system wouldn't "voom" if you put four million volts through it! 'It's bleedin' demised!
Shop Owner: No no! It's pining!
Mr. Praline: It's not pinin'! It's passed on! This system is no more! It has ceased to be! It's expired and gone to meet 'is maker! 'It's a stiff! Bereft of life, it rests in peace! Its electrical processes are now 'istory! It's off the twig! 'It's kicked the bucket, It's shuffled off 'is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' Cyrix!! THIS IS AN EX-SYSTEM!!
Shop Owner: Well, I'd better replace it, then. (he takes a quick peek behind the counter) Sorry squire, I've had a look 'round the back of the shop, and uh, we're right out of 2S Cascade Lake-AP's.
Mr. Praline: I see. I see, I get the picture.
Shop Owner: (pause) I got an ultra low powered Atom.
Mr. Praline: Pray, does it compute?
Shop Owner: Nnnnot really.
Mr. Praline: WELL IT'S HARDLY A BLOODY REPLACEMENT, IS IT?!!???!!?
Shop Owner: N-no, I guess not. (gets ashamed, looks at his feet)
Mr. Praline: Well.
Shop Owner: (quietly) D'you.... d'you want to come back to my place?
Mr. Praline: (looks around) Yeah, all right, sure.